mon autre pants.

bearyourfur:

Puhroud.

IT’S CJ!!!

GPOYW

whatsmeantobe:

monautrepants:

Dear Alec Baldwin,

If I’m being completely honest, after I heard that abusive voice mail you left for your tween daughter, I kind of wanted to fuck you even more. This statement, of course, suggests that I wanted to fuck you before I ever heard that recording and this is in fact completely true. I’ve wanted to fuck you a lot, for a long time. And I mean that in multiple ways, like, my desire to fuck you is great, but also when I do fuck you I want to do it a lot, as in repeatedly. Also, I’ve desired to do so for a long time, but I also want to fuck you for a long time, like 7 minutes or something. We should be able to get at least 2 positions in in that amount of time. When you’re on your back you can take a look at the collection of Free Willy posters that I’ve put up on my ceiling.

Recently you did a skit on SNL called “Wii guys” where you and your sons (that’s kind of weird, even for you) all pantomimed masturbating with a Wii remote. Dude. Seriously. I almost yogurted my American Apparel briefs right on the spot. I’ve jerked off to that clip over and over (one of the few time I’ve been glad I moved to the U.S., thank you God for Hulu). So, you know, thank you for doing that. If next time you go on SNL you could do a skit where you let Jason Sudeikis fuck you anally and then cum all over your butt hole that would be cool too. Oh, and I’d like him to take you from behind as you arch your back and he grabs you by the shoulders and… oh, what am I saying? You know what I’m talking about. I’ve already sent you this request in writing, remember, the letter with the diagrams and the step-by-step instructions on how you’re to be fucked so as to best get me aroused? Just refer to that.

I like your beady little eyes - please don’t get a lid reduction or whatever - and your podgy little fingers. I would like one of them up my bum as I mastrubate or something (fingers, not eyes). You don’t even really have to pay that much attention if you don’t want. With your other hand you’re welcome to like drink your coffee or read OK! magazine or whatever. I won’t take long. Maybe we can even try two fingers? Yes, two fingers would work best I think. Feel free to wriggle them around a bit. And make sure your nails are clipped. Oh, and did I mention the wrestling singlet? There’ll be a wrestling singlet. On you. Well, not on you, like lying there, but you will be wearing it. Or you could wear a racing speedo, one of the low cut ones. And then you could grind your man-mound against my face. I would like it if we were listening to Stardust “Music Sounds Better With You”.

Ok, so, that’s all I got right now. I’m going to go have some breakfast. I’ll talk to you later.

S.

PS, oh, and seriously, you really need to say things like “Fuck me you cock-donkey” and “feed me your unit” in your husky Jack voice. Ok? Ok.

PSS, oh, and you might have to wear a suit the whole time, like, you know, with your cock sticking out. Maybe I’ll get you to undo your shirt, but a lot of your clothes will stay on. I’ll tear a whole in the taint of your slacks to fuck you through. This is going to be so awesome!

THANK YOU SIR FOR MAKING MY MOTHA FUCKING WEEK.

Dear Mr. Meanstobe,

Is that directed at me or at Mr. Baldwin?

If the former: you’re welcome. There are other letters to chubby celebrities on my page. Peruse at your pleasure.

If the latter: I’ll let him know and convey his response to you.

Merry Holidays,
S.